Never in my fifteen years of existence have I felt compelled to write a review for an app, but after playing this game I knew I Am Queer would be my exception. This app was recommended for me in a targeted Instagram ad (so you can make some assumptions about me based on that alone), and after a thirty second hiatus where I recovered my breath from laughing uncontrollably and took a pause to realize that the monstrosity I just witnessed was an actual existing piece of software and not a fever dream, I felt basically obligated to download it. So, let’s explain I Am Queer. Firstly, if you’ve watched the ad or looked at the preview slides on the App Store, you’ve essentially seen the whole game. There are only four scenes that just repeat over and over again, and within each scene you get two sets of choices, every combination of which leads to the same ending- the other person getting angry that you are queer (I can say this definitively because I tried every choice option, an endeavor that took me less than three minutes). Considering both the fact that the animation looks like it was made by me after one day of 3d modeling in my eighth grade engineering class, and the fact that the grammar is so atrocious it would give my ninth grade English teacher an aneurysm (why are the proper nouns lowercase and the common nouns uppercase), the app appears to be thrown together in approximately the amount of time it would take to complete a level on a normal iPhone game. However, don’t mistake these for flaws- instead, I’d say every aspect of this game that could be considered a shortcoming adds to its ironic appeal. I especially think that the dots and lines that comprise the characters’ faces makes their expressions much funnier than they would be if even an ounce more effort had gone into designing them. Overall, (assuming that giving no stars isn’t an option) I Am Queer deserves one star on all fronts: gameplay, animation, general quality, etc. However, because of pure ironic enjoyment, I give it a five out of five.