Before I downloaded this app, I was a nobody. My grades were bad and my life was boring and dull. One day I stumbled across this masterpiece and from then on, everything changed. Now my GPA is everything. My life is defined by this triple-digit-three-decimal-place number. I am my GPA and my GPA is me. Every time I close my eyes, the number flashes across my vision. When I sleep, I dream of my GPA. Every sentence I say another person has my GPA embedded in it. My intrinsic value as a human being is based on my GPA. I stopped eating. I don’t care. Why eat when you can raise your GPA. Sleeping is unimportant. That time can be used for studying and that increases your GPA. I track my GPA with this app. Every increase brings me a high that not even cocaine can. By the way, I quit that stuff. Nothing compares to GPA. I got rid of my old friends. Their GPAs were not even at least a 115. I surround myself with walking GPAs like myself. I will do anything for another 0.5 point increase. GPA is life. I disowned my parents. Their GPAs were bad. Nothing else matters in life. The number is everything.